Of Exciting Mornings in L.A.

This is about 2 weeks overdue, but I promised a good friend that I'd write this down and since I need practice with documentation, blogging isn't a terrible idea. Plus it gives me a chance to write in non-APA-format, so YAY!!!

On the morning of March 3rd at approximately 6:40am, a seemingly normal day, as I was headed to school something extraordinary happened. I was sitting at a red light to make a left hand turn to get onto the freeway when a young woman crossed in front of me. This is normal. Lots of people cross the street every day. This woman, however, proceeded to come around to the passenger side, open the door and sit down next to me. Frantically, she tells me that someone is after her, that she's having a heart attack and that I need to take her to the hospital. Green Light. I go the only way I know (since I'm still not very familiar with the area), while she insists that I'm not going the right way. She grabbed my phone and asked if she could call 9-1-1, but I took the phone and said I would call - which I did, immediately (this is all under 90 seconds, really). I was again stuck at a red light, getting onto the freeway but in the opposite direction that I normally go - I really only know a few places and was going to take her to a church parking lot, somewhere away from the intersection that someone might follow her to, but also a safe place for an ambulance to come get her. As I'm on the phone with 911, stuck at a red light, this girl continues to freak out. She's having a heart attack, I can't stop, people are after her, she doesn't know what she did to make people angry. She looks out the passenger window and points and says "that's him, he knows I'm here, he's after me!" at a homeless man crossing the intersection. I watched him for a minute, wondering if what she was saying was true, but quickly realized that he was not "looking" for anything and just staring straight in front of him as he kept on walking. I tried to reassure her that he wasn't after her and no one was going to get her from my car and that I was going to get her help. She admitted to me that she was on meth. Green light. As I pull onto the freeway she started to freak out again, saying I was going the wrong way. She asked me, "Do you know me? Are you in on it?" and when I told her I had never met her before and she was the one who got in my car, she seemed leery. She didn't believe I was on the phone with 911, so I put them on speaker so they could ask her a few questions themselves. I got off the freeway one exit away, staying within the vicinity of the area I was familiar with and pulled onto the first side street, so the ambulance had a place to come. I tried to reassure her that they would be able to help her, because I didn't know where a hospital was, but she did not want me to stop. Before I could come to a full stop, she opened the door and booked it out of my car and across the street, dodging traffic. It took me a minute to find the street signs and let the dispatcher know where I was, but by the time they found me (I seriously thought they could track cell phones, but that's a whole other topic) the girl was out of my sight and they said they couldn't send someone out if I wasn't sure where she was. I asked them to stay on the line with me while I drove a few blocks in the direction I saw her go, in hopes that I could just keep an eye on her till an ambulance got to her. By the time I found her, she had gone into a church parking lot (I'm so smart) and there were a few people nearby. I confirmed her location to 911, and they said a few other calls came in and paramedics were already on their way. When I got off the phone, I pulled into the parking lot to ask if she was ok and the gentleman standing next to her gave me a suspicious look and asked if I knew her. (I'm presuming the first thing she said to him was the first thing she said to me, "Someone is after me!") I said no, and that she had hopped into my car just a little while ago and was just checking if she was ok. He said they had everything under control and I thanked him before leaving. I waited across the street for just a few more minutes before I heard sirens, and proceeded to school once I saw the ambulance enter the parking lot. I have no idea what happened to this girl after. I can only hope that the kindness of those helping her (myself included), made an impact.
So, 'why didn't I have my doors locked?' (because that's the first question everyone has asked so far) Simple, of the 12+ years I have been driving, I never had someone randomly get into my car! I also keep my doors locked now.
A few people have disagreed in various degrees on how I handled the situation and my decision to help. To those who think I did the wrong thing, you are entitled to your opinion, but what's done is done and sharing that opinion is not going to change the past. Had circumstances been different, I may have reacted differently. But I truly believe that she saw me as someone who would help her in a time of need. Others would have reacted differently, and maybe that's the reason I was there in that moment.
Also, I even made it to my first class or the day! About 30 minutes late, but I made it!! 

Just sayin'

GOD DOES NOT HAVE A PLAN-B!

Because I'm on a roll...

http://www.okayafrica.com/category/style-2/

It's Complicated

First, a much delayed ‘thank you’ to all those who have been so supportive – by reading these blogs, through prayer, through encouragement and advice, and yes even monetarily. God has done so much over the past few years, brought me to the highest peaks and brought me to my knees (both, literally and spiritually). He has broken me and made me whole time and time again. Much of these things he did through the people in my life, and all of them with those people by my side. So thank you, I pray that you know how much you have blessed me and that God brings those blessings full circle.

It’s been far too long since I've updated this blog, and so many things have been brought to my heart and mind in that time. As Easter has come and past, and as it’s been almost a full year since I returned from Uganda, I feel like now is as good a time as any for reflection. I've talked about simplicity before and as much as I strive for simplicity (or don’t) and believe the simple life is the most fulfilling; the reality of life is that it is complicated. I reflect on my time in Rwanda and see the complications of the government there now, how much of phoenix story it is and what it’s taken to get to that point. I read about the conflict in the CAR and see how the “Christians” are the ones who are instigating much of the violence, and it is they who are clashing with the peacekeepers – ironic, isn't it? We hear about all the complications of finding the Malaysian plane that crashed (or didn't) and the ‘rescue’ mission of the Korean ferry. There are too many complications to even begin to name right here in the US – healthcare, legalizing marijuana, school shootings and gun control, red versus blue. We encounter personal complications on a daily basis. Relationships are complicated because we always expect something, whether right or wrong, and fail to recognize the other party’s freedom of choice. I've been let down and I've let others down. The decisions we make are complicated because their repercussions are never limited to the decision maker. “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’” (James 4:13). We make plans, have ideas, try do accomplish things, and we forget that life is complicated. We forget that other people have their own plans and sometimes those plans are just different than our own and other times those plans are ignorant, selfish or plain evil. Even if it isn't other plans that get in the way, priorities change as time passes – our own plans and desires evolve. And God is in control of it all.

That’s something that has really impacted me lately. My “plans” over the past year have changed dramatically, and while it’s scary and disheartening at times, it’s also amazing to see where God has brought me from and where He’s bringing me to. Trusting that whatever happens and wherever I go, His plans are best, has been so comforting. I do often forget that, and go into “what-if” panic mode, and then He brings me back. I often wonder if these plans I have now will change, and worry about what happens if these plans I have now don’t work out. It’s a scary thought, and these plans of mine are so complicated, but I know that no matter what God’s got things under control… and I don’t!

A year ago, I was going to finish school at Cairn and work in the social work field in the NY/NJ/PA area for the rest of my life. I was going to focus on building community with my classmates and establish myself in this area. I wanted a career that helped unite people of all socio-economical backgrounds, because this area is so diverse! A year ago my plans were set, my location was set. Now, as my move to California gets closer every day, those plans that I was so sure of just seem ridiculous. His command to love Him first and others second is not dependent on the circumstances we find ourselves in, it’s not dependent on our location, and it’s not dependent on the people in our lives – the ones we’re supposed to love. My view of God and God’s people has widened and my understanding of His plans, while still very far off most likely, has left me more open to my own plans changing. Every moment we are in is exactly part of God’s plan, every decision we make out of free will is exactly part of God’s plan. It may not be where He wants us to be permanently, but we are always growing and being molded by our experiences, knowledge and dependence on Him. Through the spiritual mountains and valleys, we are never alone, we are never forsaken. Through the easy and difficult decisions, through the changing of plans, through the complications of life – He is there always and pushes us to carry on, to love others in those complications, to further the Kingdom. And that may not look anything like we've planned, but hey – It’s complicated. 

It's been a while

I feel like I'm constantly living in cycles. My brain goes over the same things over and over again, and I always expect to come out of each situation changed, smarter, wiser, stronger... all those good things. I think that's the definition of insanity, but we'll diagnose my obvious instabilities later :)

I've been home for over 3 months now. Immersed back into my culture with a vengeance. I jumped, head first, into living life the American way (with the very best intentions, of course). The desires that grew, the lessons I learned, the life we lived in Uganda slips a little farther into memory each day, but that's only natural. I almost refused to process, refused to talk about my experiences. And because of that, the experiences from Uganda never got to fully meld with my life here. I don't talk about it because I know that the God who revealed His nature to me there exists here also, if I only look.
I never finished writing about my hiking trip, and probably won't, honestly. But on the mountain, we stood in places that were rarely seen by other people. In those places, under the canopy of the trees and on the ridge of the peak, God showed me that none of it was created for us. The beauty of the "red hot pokers" lighting up the faces of the mountain at dawn doesn't happen so we can see it. Like all of creation, we are here for Him. How fitting that I should reach that peak of understanding at the end of the semester, while climbing a mountain.
If we are created in the image of God, for God, how can I justify some of the decisions I've made over the past few months... ok, in my lifetime. Especially taking into consideration my attitude, and my reaction to people. How can I look down on a person, or snap at them, or get fed up, frustrated, annoyed, etc. when I'm called to love them? Instead of going out of my comfort zone to build community where it doesn't exist, I chose the "smart" route. I chose to be comfortable, not stretch myself financially too much, to make sure I could work and go to school and afford my bills within the scope of my own power. None of those are bad things, and for the very fact that I have the opportunity to build relationships within my family, I'm glad I chose this path. But I also know that had I chosen otherwise, God would have been faithful.
Now, as school is about to begin, I look back on this summer with gladness. I was able to spend the time with people I love, growing relationships, doing what I could for my family, trying to live simply and trying (but failing miserably at loving the unlovable). I look forward to the next semester with anticipation, because boy am I ready to be done with school! :) I am excited to see familiar faces, and continue to build those relationships as well as taking another step in education. I am sad, however, that I will not be seeing most of my USP/UCU friends on a daily basis. I will miss coffee on the porch, walking into Mukono and taxi rides into Kampala. Oh, and the fruit! I'm very excited for the future, for this new season of life and still, I hope to come out of this stage a little smarter, a little wiser and stronger, but most of all more humble, more loving, more genuine. 

Rwanda, Elgon and the Journey Home (Part I: Rwanda)

One month ago today, all the USP students boarded buses and vans and began the 17 hour drive to Rwanda. It seems like a century ago, and fitting all the details of this past month into one blog post would be torturous (for myself and the poor soul reading it). So, knowing that I will never do justice to the experiences here, I will try to recap as best as possible.

Rwanda:

As I mentioned previously, 17 hours... "Wow, just wow!" It took a while, but we finally made it to the capital city of Kigali (pronounced 'Chi'gali (like Chicago)). My first impression was how unlike Uganda it was. Rwanda is clean, well organized, and pretty modern/western in comparison with Uganda. The city streets are paved, all landscaping is well manicured, goats and cows don't wander the city streets and plastic bags are actually illegal. Kigali is an up-and-coming city, and it's plainly evident. We spent the first day at two memorials - quite possibly the worst day of my life. The church at Nyamata, where 8,000 people were murdered, was particularly painful. Hearing the stories of what people did to families, to children, inside the church and seeing the piles of shredded clothes and the broken bones and skulls of the victims... I have no words to describe how heart wrenching it was. It was easy to ask "Where was God?", especially considering that this and many other massacres happened inside churches. But instead of being bitter and waiting for an explanation of how He could let this happen, He answered me with "I Am." I was blessed with the understanding/sense that God was in the midst of this 100 day genocide, He was with the people inside this church. And as much as it broke my heart to see what had happened, it was nothing in comparison to the grief and sorrow God felt as people, made in the image of God, brutally murdered other people. I immediately thought of the verse "And the Lord said, 'What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground.'" (Gen 4:10) And was blessed with the smallest glimpse of the pain God feels as a result of our brokenness, hate and sin. 

Thankfully, the next day we spent time working with CARSA (http://www.carsa.org.rw/carsa%20english.htm) an organization that focuses on reconciliation between victims of the genocide and their attackers. This was at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from what we had seen the day before. As part of the reconciliation process, an offender can meet with their victim and ask for forgiveness, if the victim accepts they begin to work towards living alongside one another and building a relationship out of the violence. We spent the morning helping CARSA and the community build a house for a woman, Bridget, whose family had been killed during the genocide. When she got up and spoke, she explained how she hadn't had a home since the attacks and was so grateful to everyone for a place she could call her own, and for the community that would continue to support her and her family. When she sat down a man (who looked older than he probably was) got up and started speaking. Alphonse explained that he was part of the group who had murdered her parents and siblings. My heart turned to stone. I don't think I've ever met anyone who had ever killed another human being before, and this man who killed at least one family had just been sitting one person away from me. As he spoke, anger gave way to the realization that Alphonse was just a man. He was just another person, a human just like me, my parents, friends, neighbors. He has the capability to do good and to do evil, and 19 years ago he made a terrible (that word isn't strong enough, but we'll keep this kid-friendly) decision to act on evil. He had repented and asked for forgiveness and spent his time helping build up a life for this woman and her family. They now live next to each other, share a cow (big deal), and her sons spend time with his family. I'm not sure that I will ever be able to understand that level of forgiveness, and honestly hope that I never have to be put in a position where that type of forgiveness is necessary. But to think that I have witheld forgiveness from people who have done far less to offend me is almost sickening. The love that was shown just blew me away. Through the heart of hatred, death and darkness, light broke through. Like the new growth after a fire, life prevailed. Love prevailed. 

We had the wonderful privilege of meeting with other people and other organizations focused on rebuilding the people of Rwanda. Because of language barriers, many times we just danced with our new friends. And while there is still much brokenness, the joy that people have is contagious. 

Kigali

Kigali from another angle

The church in Nyamata

Memorial Billboards

Rwandan Countryside

Flowers at a memorial

Bushara, Lake Bunyonyi

Bushara

Possibly my most favoritest purchase ever, from Amohoro Ava Hejuru
(A reconciliation organization http://kahrwanda.com/)

Close up

Last post in Uganda

Instead of writing my final paper, I’ve decided to write my final blog. Procrastination at its finest, people. In one week from today, we leave campus (and (partially) reliable internet), so any updates will probably happen once I return home, in one month from today!

I thought I’d bring this baby full circle and touch upon a subject that I wrote about before even getting here. The whole idea of God’s will is something that I, like many, struggle with. I often ask myself if I am taking the journey that God has laid out for me. I often find myself lamenting that I don’t have a personalized guidebook from God himself, to help me figure out what I should be doing with my life and how to deal with things when they don’t go according to plan. The final book we are reading is called “Just Do Something”, by I don’t remember at the moment. Kevin something-or-other, I think. It’s short and blunt, but addresses the fact that we often waste time trying to figure out what God’s will for our lives is while all we need to do is take the first step. Nothing happens out of the will of God and while we are expected to be obedient, He gives us freedom of choice when it comes to decisions that are not morally based. It’s something that I needed to hear. Especially considering the fact that there are so many decisions to be made once I get home, and that I want to be intentional about living faithfully and building relationships and living in community. I think it’s something that a lot of people my age-ish need to hear as well (so go read it gosh-darnit, along with ‘Irresistible Revolution”). So how do we live without each getting our own personal ikea-eque manual? I haven’t the slightest clue, ha! But it reminds me of the verses in Joshua where God tells the Israelites to cross the Jordan into the Promised Land. The priests first had to step into the water before He miraculously stopped the river for the people to cross. Sometimes we just have to make a flippin’ decision and go with it, knowing that God’s providence covers it. I hate making decisions, especially when more than one option seems good… Just putting it out there.

Safari was awesome, a wonderful way to finish the semester (I’ll try to post pictures. If it doesn’t work, check out my facebook page. If that doesn’t work, patience – I’ll put them up when I get home.) My final day at practicum was bitter-sweet, final classes have mostly been sweet, and spending time with the friends I’ve made has made me sad to leave. But I’m excited to come home… I think… I hope… Well, that’s all for now. Thanks again for keeping up with my random thoughts, and thanks especially for those who have given encouragement during the past few months. Talk to you all soon!!

Welaba!