It's Complicated

First, a much delayed ‘thank you’ to all those who have been so supportive – by reading these blogs, through prayer, through encouragement and advice, and yes even monetarily. God has done so much over the past few years, brought me to the highest peaks and brought me to my knees (both, literally and spiritually). He has broken me and made me whole time and time again. Much of these things he did through the people in my life, and all of them with those people by my side. So thank you, I pray that you know how much you have blessed me and that God brings those blessings full circle.

It’s been far too long since I've updated this blog, and so many things have been brought to my heart and mind in that time. As Easter has come and past, and as it’s been almost a full year since I returned from Uganda, I feel like now is as good a time as any for reflection. I've talked about simplicity before and as much as I strive for simplicity (or don’t) and believe the simple life is the most fulfilling; the reality of life is that it is complicated. I reflect on my time in Rwanda and see the complications of the government there now, how much of phoenix story it is and what it’s taken to get to that point. I read about the conflict in the CAR and see how the “Christians” are the ones who are instigating much of the violence, and it is they who are clashing with the peacekeepers – ironic, isn't it? We hear about all the complications of finding the Malaysian plane that crashed (or didn't) and the ‘rescue’ mission of the Korean ferry. There are too many complications to even begin to name right here in the US – healthcare, legalizing marijuana, school shootings and gun control, red versus blue. We encounter personal complications on a daily basis. Relationships are complicated because we always expect something, whether right or wrong, and fail to recognize the other party’s freedom of choice. I've been let down and I've let others down. The decisions we make are complicated because their repercussions are never limited to the decision maker. “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’” (James 4:13). We make plans, have ideas, try do accomplish things, and we forget that life is complicated. We forget that other people have their own plans and sometimes those plans are just different than our own and other times those plans are ignorant, selfish or plain evil. Even if it isn't other plans that get in the way, priorities change as time passes – our own plans and desires evolve. And God is in control of it all.

That’s something that has really impacted me lately. My “plans” over the past year have changed dramatically, and while it’s scary and disheartening at times, it’s also amazing to see where God has brought me from and where He’s bringing me to. Trusting that whatever happens and wherever I go, His plans are best, has been so comforting. I do often forget that, and go into “what-if” panic mode, and then He brings me back. I often wonder if these plans I have now will change, and worry about what happens if these plans I have now don’t work out. It’s a scary thought, and these plans of mine are so complicated, but I know that no matter what God’s got things under control… and I don’t!

A year ago, I was going to finish school at Cairn and work in the social work field in the NY/NJ/PA area for the rest of my life. I was going to focus on building community with my classmates and establish myself in this area. I wanted a career that helped unite people of all socio-economical backgrounds, because this area is so diverse! A year ago my plans were set, my location was set. Now, as my move to California gets closer every day, those plans that I was so sure of just seem ridiculous. His command to love Him first and others second is not dependent on the circumstances we find ourselves in, it’s not dependent on our location, and it’s not dependent on the people in our lives – the ones we’re supposed to love. My view of God and God’s people has widened and my understanding of His plans, while still very far off most likely, has left me more open to my own plans changing. Every moment we are in is exactly part of God’s plan, every decision we make out of free will is exactly part of God’s plan. It may not be where He wants us to be permanently, but we are always growing and being molded by our experiences, knowledge and dependence on Him. Through the spiritual mountains and valleys, we are never alone, we are never forsaken. Through the easy and difficult decisions, through the changing of plans, through the complications of life – He is there always and pushes us to carry on, to love others in those complications, to further the Kingdom. And that may not look anything like we've planned, but hey – It’s complicated.