Before the mental
spewing all over this blog, here are some updates (you can decide whether or
not to stop reading after this… or
now if you really want): I was finally able to do some work with the farm today
at CHAIN. Uncle Fortunate (yep J) showed my friend and I the fields where they plant different
crops to sustain the children that live there. We weeded some areas, and got to
see their future plans for expansion. Guava is also in season, so we picked and
ate fresh guava while walking to the different areas.
The rainy season has
begun and so has the season of white ants. We woke up one morning earlier this
week to thousands of these flying ants that are about 1.5-2” in length,
including wings. They were everywhere there was light during the night, so in
the bathrooms and common room. All over the floor were ant-less wings and dead
and live ants. It was super gross, BUT they eat them, just like the grasshoppers,
so I’ll let you know how they are when I try them. This morning there was
another, lesser, plague of ants, but it’s still pretty gross.
One of my friends here
was able to get the first three episodes of the current season of Walking Dead
(the ones that started in Jan.). Last night, we were able to have a zombie
night, which was so nice… yeah it sounds weird, zombies are my comfort, deal.
We should be getting the next three episodes for next week. I’m really excited
to be able to keep up with Rick and his crew while in Uganda!!
Now for some unrelated pictures!
Some material that I'm having made into dresses.
My roommate, Nendel, and I before her performance.
Now for spilling my brain onto paper, or monitor, or whatever...
I think this may have
been said before, I've definitely stressed it to certain individuals, but my
Spiritual Disciplines class has been by far the most rewarding (just as
Community Art has been the most enjoyable). One of the benefits of the
course is that through practicing spiritual disciplines transformation really
does happen. It must be done out of a sincere desire though, allowing for
failures (because they will happen), because practicing these disciplines
without allowing room for grace will only result in bitterness and instead of
drawing closer to God, we will push Him away. Anyways… there might be a point
in this somewhere… I recently decided that for my own mental and spiritual
health, it would be best to take time off of facebook, texting, personal emails
and blogging throughout the week for the next 3 weeks. Honestly (because we
like honesty, right?), I hadn’t been doing so hot emotionally. The pull of
home, the countdown, had become overwhelming and instead of the connection to
my family and friends being a help, it became more of a hindrance. Staying up
late to Skype, constantly checking my emails to see who wrote, and getting
frustrated every time the internet didn’t load as fast as I wanted it to (or at
all) became the anchor I clung to as it dragged me down. Giving these things up
has been freeing, and (luckily) I get to count it as a discipline (hooray!!!)
Transformation, I am
finding, is daunting. There’s a lot to live up to, the standards are high, and
I think the fear of not reaching those standards keeps people from trying, or
allowing themselves to be transformed. It’s also easier for me to generalize
this stuff instead of personally admit that I act this way, so forgive me for
projecting. This semester has been opening up my eyes to a real-life
radical-Christianity. Not a faith that is preached from any pulpit (or blog,
sorry guys…), but that is lived out in true love for our fellow man and
standing for justice across economic, cultural and societal lines. These
realizations have a lot of implications. If I truly believe that Jesus called
us to care for the poor in a hands-on way, to truly be a part of a family that
shares everything to make sure that no one goes without, then my life must be
transformed. My cushy life. I’m afraid of returning home and falling into the
same pattern of life, that’s focused on myself and my things, confirming in my mind that I don’t
actually believe this garbage. I’m afraid of this conviction being so strong
that I am ‘forced’ to give everything I have away, including my own hopes and
dreams. I think there has to be a balance. (Maybe this is eastern philosophy
coming out, but I do believe balance is the key to being healthy in mind, body
and soul.) The one thing that I’m convinced of, though, is the importance of
true community within the body of Christ. A quote that struck me this week is,
“As we consider what it means to be ‘born again,’ as the evangelical jargon
goes, we must ask what it means to be born again into a family in which our
brothers and sisters are starving to death…It also becomes scandalous for the
church to spend money on windows and buildings when some family members don’t
even have water. Welcome to the dysfunctional family of Yahweh.” – Irresistible
Revolution. I personally don’t believe spending money on a church building is
wrong, but don’t many of the churches that we attend spend more on the building
than they do on making sure their community has meals, can pay their bills or
has access to health care? I’m convicted that I live in such a way that I am
completely blind to those who live in poverty near me. I give my old clothes to
goodwill or the red cross. I donate money to certain organizations. I even
volunteer when I can spare
time, how wonderful of me (please pick on the sarcasm)… All other times, I
focus on my comfort, or having shoes that match my outfit, or making sure my
toenails are perfectly polished.
Another book that
we’ve been reading addresses the fact that we will live according to what we
believe. Actually, I’m expounding on that a little. It addresses the fact that
people who claim to believe something end up falling into the routine of the
“Western” lifestyle and giving up living out their faith. Not as in leaving the
church, but more about amassing material wealth and removing themselves from
the reality of poverty and injustice. I do think however that this is a
reflection of true belief. I do think how we live reflects what we truly
believe, about God, about people and about ourselves. Which is scary to me, am
I really living the way I believe Christ wants me to live? And if not, do I really believe that Christ expects me to live a
certain way? I know I’m being extreme, and really grace does account for our
shortcomings. We will never do enough, we will never give enough, we will never
love enough, we will never sacrifice enough – we are all human. But accepting
our fate as imperfect and resolving to do nothing is the wrong attitude to have
also. (Balance, people. OHM!)
I’m sorry this sounds
all preachy-preachy, that’s not my intention. I’ve just been processing a lot
of things as the semester begins to wind down, so I’m working it out for the
world to see.
Well, thanks for sticking with me. Love all of you and can't wait to see many of you when I get home!!
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